Letting Go
by newslayer
Summary: {S/N} Sequel to "In My Place" - All he had to do was take a deep breath and jump...


**LETTING GO (OF ALL I'VE HELD ON TO)**

**Disclaimer:** Once again, I don't. What I *do* owe is this feeling of stupidity that comes from writing the same thing everytime knowing that *nobody* reads this, *ever*. 

**Author's Note:** I have no words to apologize, which might mean that the writer's block has spread and become a talker's block (you wish). Yes, another songfic (sighs remorsefully). Please don't shoot me (this is hopefully the last one). I hadn't even finished **"In My Place"** when the song started sounding in my head. The first verse was perfect to continue that fic, so, as promised, this comes out as some sort of companion piece/sequel.   
This is based on the song **"Hanging By A Moment" by Lifehouse **(No Name Face album). The title was changed because I saw there was already a fic named after the song, so whatever. 

**Rating: **PG (ditto the disclaimer). A lot more of **'S'** comparing the prequel, less babbling hopefully. 

Feedback! Feedback! Feedback! Feedback! Feedback! Feedback! Feedback! Feedback! Feedback!   
Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review!   
(or I swear I'll come up with some other shallow song to torture you!) ______________________________________________________________________________________________ 

The briefing had ended minutes ago, which meant everyone had an assignment. They were getting ready and in few more minutes they would be leaving the lab. 

But Nicholas Stokes had a different plan. 

He hurried his way to the break room, were he was certain Sara would be. After all, he had already looked everywhere else. 

It wasn't the best place to start the conversation he needed to have with her because the sense of privacy was minimal, but he had to get it done before his courage started to fade away. The jaded image of himself he had presented to her the night before didn't do much on his behalf. 

"Hey Nick, how's the hangover?" Nope, not much help. 

"Been better. Listen, do you have a minute?" She was gathering her things, but the tone of his voice made her stop giving him fully attention. 

"I think so. We were about to leave." 

"So are we. But I don't intend to take long, OK?" Suddenly he was feeling extremely self-conscious, and closing the door behind him wasn't that much of a relief. She nodded and he considered consulting her about another case, using that as an excuse to escape the real topic of conversation he was supposed to bring up. 

On the other hand, he was getting tired of running in the exact opposite direction. He wanted some certainties in his life. For the first time in a really long time, he wanted to know where he stood o start doing something about it. 

"Well?" She said with a hint of impatience. All he had to do was to get his act together. Taking a deep breath, he put all his effort in trying to not choke on the words. 

"I was wondering if you wanted to have breakfast afterwards." She smiled. 

"That was it? Yeah, of course" She took her bag and walked past him, towards the door. Not before he could react, though. Reaching for her hand he made her turn around swiftly, until their eyes met. 

"I meant like a date" The smile faded and her body jerked breaking all contact, both physical and visual. She stared at the floor for a second and sighed tiredly before looking for his eyes again. 

"No, Nick. I'm sorry" Oddly enough, he let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding and started to look more relaxed. He had never expected her to say yes. 

"Good. Why?" He simply asked, which made her frown. She didn't like the calm in his voice, or the lack of emotional response. It wasn't like him. He had something up his sleeve, she could tell, and she was not in the mood for anything. 

_Desperate for changing_   
_Starving for truth_   
_I'm closer than when I started_   
_I'm chasing after you_

"A million reasons." She glanced at her watch "Can we have this conversation later? We should get going." 

"Hey" He called trying to make eye contact with her again "Sara, we have plenty of time. We have all the time in the world." He leaned into the table behind him, looking for a comfortable position. "I'm listening" 

She sighed again, not happy with the developing of the situation. Being utterly uncomfortable herself, it was a good thing she had her back turned to the door. 

"Gosh! You of all people should know I'm damaged goods" 

"Aren't we all?" 

"Well I sure as hell don't think you're in love with Grissom. But I am" 

"Yeah, that's a teeny weenie detail we'll just have to work on" 

He was infuriating her, finding a way under her skin. Not that it was too hard to do that after the explosion. 

"What do you want from me? Are you trying to use some sort of reverse psychology or just minimize all I have to say?!" 

"Only the really stupid excuses" He stated "and I'm not going anywhere until you give me a really good reason" 

_I'm falling even more in love with you_   
_Letting go of all I've held on to_   
_I'm standing here until you make me move_   
_I'm hanging by a moment here with you_

She just folded her arms across her chest and looked very annoyed by his attitude. But she could have just walked out any moment she wanted and she hadn't, so that was a good sign. 

"OK" He said taking his turn "I know I'm not the perfect guy. I know I'm really below your expectations and all that you deserve for that matters" 

His sincerity and sweet talking had done a good job at softening her. 

"But I think we owe ourselves a try" He finished. 

She shook, rubbing her temples with the top of her fingers. It was too early in her biological clock to be doing this. 

"We would be a disaster together. I would be worrying about Grissom, you would be unhappy. You've been nothing but good to me, specially lately, I couldn't do that to you" 

"Don't flatter yourself, Sidle" Nick smiled reassuringly to her, as if he understood what she was feeling "Do you want me to promise I'll hurt you just as bad?" 

Both smirked. 

"I don't care, Sara. I think whatever might be between us is worth everything. And if I end up heartbroken so be it!" 

_Forgetting all I'm lacking_   
_Completely incomplete_   
_I'll take your invitation_   
_You take all of me now_

"You don't understand, Nick. We are just not right for each other." 

"Why? Because we are different?" 

"Mostly, yeah" She answered more vehemently than she had intended to. 

"We have lots of things in common, Sar. But it's just easier for you and everyone else to think of me as bidimensional" 

A pang of guilt stung in her heart, and she felt truly ashamed for all the times she had failed to difference between Nick and the "Love 'em Leave 'em" stereotype. 

"I never though or said that you were bidimensional" Her voice came out only a sad whisper. 

"I know, but you think that love is about finding someone exactly like you and spending the rest of your life with him" 

He stepped forward, near her, seeing as her walls were threatening to crumble down. 

"When it's really about finding someone that completes you. It sounds like a cliché, but that's what love does to you. Clichés start making sense" He smiled and his hand reached for her cheek, but she refused the interaction. 

"You're talking big words here, Nick" 

"And isn't that great? I'm actually more than willing to let go of all I've ever believed and feared altogether." 

_I'm falling even more in love with you_   
_Letting go of all I've held on to_   
_I'm standing here until you make me move_   
_I'm hanging by a moment here with you___

_I'm living for the only thing I know_   
_I'm running and not quite sure where to go_   
_And I don't know what I'm tapping into_   
_Just hanging by a moment here with you_

His hand had finally found hers, and she didn't really like the reaction it was getting from her. Being there at all was a mistake, specially when she had been so hormonal and emotional lately. 

"I think this could be the real thing if we let it be" 

Their eyes met again, and the intensity of her gaze made him think that maybe he had succeeded. But at the same moment his lips curved into a smile she came back to her senses. 

"Nick, no" She pleaded, taking a step back. He looked down, with slumped shoulders, defeated. 

"It's alright" He sighed, noticing the sadness or probably pity in her features. "But know this: I really think we could be good together. And I'm done with running, and denial and everything. I'm going to fight for what I feel. I am going to fight for you. And I don't care if Gris or the whole world is against me" 

_There's nothing left to blame_   
_There's nothing left to hide_   
_There's nothing in the world_   
_that can change my mind_   
_There is nothing else_   
_There is nothing else_

A knock sounded loudly on the door and he looked over her shoulder to find Warrick staring right back at him. He promptly motioned him to wait outside and his friend obliged turning his back to the door to give them some privacy, but not without making numerous frantic mimics to indicate them how late they were and how pissed everyone was first. 

Sara, on her side, was still focused in everything Nick had said, finding difficult to believe he was really talking about her and them. 

And now he seemed ready to resume what he had obviously spent so much time thinking about. 

"I know you probably don't want to see me that way right now, and that you have a crush on Gris." He paused for a second, hoping his words wouldn't come out too harshly. 

She seemed to be doing fine. 

"But I think you're just scared. I think you're infatuated with him because deep down you know he'll never do anything about it. God forbid somebody might actually want to be with you" 

Her silence was deafening, and he wondered if he hadn't done the one thing he would have never wanted to do. Hurt her. 

She was just standing there, contemplating his words. Staring blankly into oblivion, looking sad. Not for him this time, he presumed. 

Sara hated to feel scared and helpless. But most of all, she hated to admit it when she was. 

"I'm sorry for not coming clean before. I'm sorry for not going after you. But that's a mistake I'm not going to make again" 

_Desperate for changing_   
_Starving for truth_   
_I'm closer than when I started_   
_I'm chasing after you_

Most of their coworkers were piling up outside the room, and although Warrick was doing his best to allow them to finish their privacy was being seriously threatened. The clock was ticking faster. 

The look in her eyes, however, was more than he could bear. 

"I'll do whatever you ask me to do. But I won't drop it. I can't ignore this anymore" 

Her eyes were still pleading incessantly with him. And he felt the need to close the distance between them, not minding if she was going to reject the nearness again. 

"I don't know what to do with this" She finally said, smiling bitterly at the memory of a few days before, when she had been at the other end of the conversation. The tables were turned now, but she was not Gil Grissom. And he sure as hell was not Sara Sidle. 

"You don't have to do anything by now. Just don't ask me to let go only because you're scared. I care too much about you to do that" She smiled honestly, and nodded. 

And he didn't care that half the night shift was trying to get their friend out of their way to get into the break room, not minding that they were there. He didn't notice Catherine's amused face as she came to Warrick's rescue, or Grissom's voice coming from the hall telling them to go back to their places. 

He just brushed his lips softly against hers for a brief moment before leaving the room with a smile gracing his face. 

_I'm falling even more in love with you_   
_Letting go of all I've held on to_   
_I'm standing here until you make me move_   
_I'm hanging by a moment here with you___

_I'm living for the only thing I know_   
_I'm running and not quite sure where to go_   
_And I don't know what I'm diving into_   
_Just hanging by a moment here with you_

Grissom had already made it to the door by the time he got out. The other two agents stepped aside. The woman tried to suppress a mischievous grin. 

"For future references, Nick, I'd appreciate you not kidnapping *my* CSI again!" 

He just smirked, and looked him in the eye. He felt invincible. 

"Yeah, well. We'll see about *that*" Grabbing his partners' arms he practically dragged him to the locker room, leaving their flabbergasted boss behind. 

"Sara are you coming?" He asked impatiently, before heading to the parking lot with Catherine at his heels. They would be in for a long lecture by the end of their shift. 

She just picked up her bag and stopped at the door, looking down the hall. Her fingertips touched her lips one last time and she smiled, bemused. The smile turned to a grin as she heard Warrick's demanding voice. 

"What was that about, man?" 

- THE END 

_______________________________________________________________________________________________   
_Written by Mary S. Happier that the prequel, I'm still not convinced about giving my stories definitive closure (isn't closure supposed to be definitive always?). Those can be disappointing at times. I like more open endings, this way you choose what happens next and it's not complicated to elaborate a sequel if another cheesy song threatens your sanity -- or your family's...(mischievous grin)_


End file.
